Welcome back to the Piers Morgan show, I am Piers Morgan and for those of you just now tuning in I am talking with Donald Trump and Al Sharpton regarding the Trayvon Martin case.
Piers: Mr. Sharpton you were saying?
Sharpton: That is right Piers, thank you. I am asking that black people do not go out and threaten white people by the thousands or attack them right in their own driveways. Certainly do not go out late at night and set fire to buildings and cars or do anything like that. We are asking them not to soak old rags in gasoline and stuff that into a glass bottle, light that rag on fire and throw it at personal property belonging to people of the Caucasian persuasion.
Piers: So you are advocating non-violence?
Sharpton: Yes, we are advocating a violent non-violent approach.
Piers: Mr. Trump, as the self-appointed official spokesman of white people, can you explain why they are so angry? It isn’t because they missed their Pilates class is it?
Trump: No, Piers it is not. White people are mad that they have to dial #1 to get English when calling about the outrageous price increases over their cable bill. I mean, when you sign up it is a very low price, but after that it just keeps getting higher because the Obama administration is socialist. Then on the other line a “black” person is very rude to make matters worse.
Piers: How do they know it is a black person? Aren’t a lot of call centers based in India?
Trump: Indian, black, what is the difference? They both can’t speak the English language, Piers, and I have been fielding many angry phone calls about this from the American people.
Piers: Aren’t black people part of the “American people?”
Trump: Certainly if they are and no one has bothered to inform me of this, believe me, someone will be getting fired.
Piers: Mr. Trump how are you suggesting the, obviously, frightened people deal with this emotional case?
Trump: I am suggesting that people have a Xanax and head over to the nearest Olive Garden and have a glass or two of WHITE wine. The emotional toll of this case will certainly raise the significance of people needing real therapy. We are suggesting that they purchase another dog on the way back home from the Olive Garden. Instead of therapy it will be best to ignore the real problems of this case and pretend that it is all about race and argue about all the completely pointless issues that are so well ingrained into the American psyche.
Piers: That is all for the show today, thanks for watching, this is Piers Morgan saying, Goodnight.