Deciphering HR Buzzwords

Many people are asking, “I am currently looking for a job and I am having trouble deciphering what the HR psychobabble means on the application,” can you help me out?

Sure, Astrid, the Square Root of Zero Intern, would love to help you out by offering you excellent advice:

Must be willing to work in a FAST-PACED environment:

We will not take the time to train you.

Must be DEADLINE ORIENTED:

You will be 9 months behind after your second day in the office.

Looking for a candidate with AN EYE FOR DETAIL:

Quality control? What quality control? In other words, you will need to take the blame for their crappy product or service.

Excellent COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

The management communicates to you in a cryptic and vague manner because they pretend to be “too busy” to give you all the “details” and, you, will need to decode.  You know, like the Da Vinci code?

Candidate will provide VARIOUS OFFICE DUTIES as necessitated by the management:

Pretty much, anyone can boss you around for their own particular satisfaction and laugh about you when they are pretending to be holding important “planning” meetings.

Ya!? Always happy to help. Love you! xoxoxo Astrid

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