It is very tough narrowing down who will be crowned the Square Root of Zero Intern! There is Bella the Italian model who scores a 10 and likes shopping for Prada, Ferraris, and wine tasting in Tuscany. We have Astrid the Swedish model who also scores a 10 and likes the Beach, American veggie-burgers, and is a big fan of IKEA (I have to say those Swedish are very efficiently organized. All their furniture fits inside a miniature box). We also have the entire Alpha Omega Lambda sorority from the University of Sydney who all score a 10 except for the one ugly one. That brings their collective average down to a 9.85. The Alphas really like checking out men at the Home Depot in rural towns of America. All Australian men are so effeminate, like Keith Urban, with their long hair and beautiful voices. As a last minute entry we have Svetlana the Russian Femme Fatale, who also scores a ten. She is really good at hand to hand combat, likes shopping at Old Navy for casual wear, and occasionally shops for discounted American made weapons at the Cold War Military Surplus.
I am not sure who would be best to deal with the Pirates or those pesky dolphins on our way to and from the Caribbean Compound and the secondary outlets at the Bahama Breeze restaurants and safe-houses located in various parts of the Country. We can go Island hopping anytime we want with the samplers of Jerk Chicken or the Island Onion Rings. The good news is that I would never let anyone point a gun at an unpaid intern. I really draw the line there with those damn Pirates.
On the bright side Bella should really be able to work an Starbucks espresso machine, Astrid will probably whip up some excellent IKEA Swedish Meat Balls, The Alphas should really be good at getting some shrimp on the barbie and making us an Outback Steakhouse Bloomin’ Onion, and Svetlana is probably so dangerous that our enemies will actually just beg for mercy (I think the reason why Russians drink so much SKYY Vodka is that the food is horrible).
Good luck to you all. Tough decisions.
This Intern Update has been brought to you by:
The Home Depot.
and the Outback Steakhouse.