Coffee Monsters

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”-Eleanor Roosevelt. HAHAHA. Tell that to the crazy Coffee Monsters.  They will stop at nothing to DESTROY you. The Coffee Monsters are WATCHING.  TRUST me.  They have video of you.  Once these crazy beasts finish their coffee they are going to consume everything you want, own, and love.  They will follow you home like a lost puppy dog and want you to FEED them.  DO NOT do this.  It all starts out really simple. For instance, they will ask for your help with their computers or phone.  “Can you show me how to insert this spreadsheet?” It is a trick.  Other times they will ask you to come to meeting and sometimes they won’t even show up.  This is how they gain control.  They are like crazy monkeys in a room full of bananas.   RUN.  Run as fast as you can.  Coffee Monsters talk incessantly about their personal life as if everyone really cares.  They are immune to eye-rolling and blank stares.  They will definitely, at the end of day, say things like, “see you tomorrow for coffee.” Approach with caution.  Silver bullets and wooden stakes have no effect on the Coffee Monster.  If you fear you have met up with a Coffee Monster ask questions like “how is that TPS report coming?”  Coffee Monsters will always tell you that it is going great and respond by saying, “how is YOUR TPS report coming?”  Everyone knows that no one gives a shit about TPS reports or quality control in general.  In fact, nobody really knows what a TPS report is much less how to do one.  Coffee Monsters do not know this.  Be very careful if they begin pointing at random expecting things to happen.  Sometimes, they are just regular people with a caffeine addiction and they try to bite your HEAD off.


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